Fly away little hummingbird

I look like a cunt because I am one - What's it to you?

Long time - no, whatever. New look here; not sure on it - might go back to the old one, less attention whoreish that one. Much more in business.

But anyway, exams are over, a quick run-down of my hopes and fears then; 3 As and an EslashslashslashD is the likely sum of my parts - but you know it could well be worse than that - here's hoping. And I'm back to the great old days of waking up, going to school, learning something, forgetting it, and then remembering it again over a nice soggy bowl of coco crap. Lovely stuff this. But I think I'll like the fresh start - hopefully no awful, but brilliant, distractions will occur this year. But, like usual, enough of that horse shit.

I've written what I think could be a coda of sorts; it fits in with the general literary idiocy I spew into these things - but sort of sums it up, in a nice way? maybe? possibly? Although most likely it's not. And a newcomer, James of course, is bringing some sort of cohesiveness that may push this stuff forward; but I have to show him it first, and then of course find a suitable hiding place, maybe in a lake somewhere, to get away from the laughter he will obviously erupt into upon witnessing this shit.

Or maybe he'll like it. I need some positive encouragement from someone I know wouldn't lie to me - James is a straight shooter of sorts; and I like that. A lot.

I want to fuck with my throat. Not physically. Technologically. I want to make myself sound distant but right in your fucking face, and I know I make no sense, but I don't want to. And that's the whole point isn't it? Don't make sense, be weird, be wonderful and people will start paying attention to whatever it is you're vomiting up that evening. And hopefully, whatever it is I happen to be chucking up, will hold their attention for just over 3 minutes on average. That would make my day, that would make my year if it weren't for her. But hey, if two people pay attention then fuck her (don't listen to me, I'm mad on acceptance here). But that isn't likely to happen; that won't stop me from trying for the first fucking time in my life.

1 2 3 4

you are all ive got to keep me together

when youre around my spot prone skin starts to weather

you are all ive got to keep me together

down the drinks until i feel so much drabber

but when youre around i feel so much better

about my ugly face and my erroneous smile

the way i walk all slumped down and girly

my every rhetoric so soaked up in bile

seeing pictures aligning up with your acne

you hate how i leave you always so gloomy

but i really hope that you like me

5 6 7 8

Oh and I do think I haven't mentioned this one;

i cant talk when im looking at you

i cant move my lips from the edges of my cheeks

its more of a pain than

an enjoyment to hear you speak

how am i meant to pull off

being full of despair

WHEN YOURE RIGHT IN MY FACE

but oh my god i need a life

ive never thought about having one before

but oh my god i wonder what its like

to drag my face up from the floor(BOARDS)

and my tongue stings

everytime i insult

those dresses that you wear

and the way you hold yourself

so WONDERFULLY inappropriate

hearing your voice could

blemish the side of my face

BUT ID WEAR IT LIKE A BIRTH MARK

id show it to all your proletarian friends

id try to wake up with you

but i cant keep up the pace

and im sure youd love me

to be decked out in decadence

and its too hard not to care

i feel like high school is my whole life

but really ITS JUST THE END OF IT

OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH

but oh my god i need a life

ive never thought about having one before

but oh my god i wonder what its like

to drag my face up from the floor(BOARDS)

spit in my face and i

might feel so much cleaner

than i do with

my tongue in your mouth

ive lost all my teeth to rot

from the bitter words spewing

into a pool on your sofa

AND WE WILL WALLOW IN IT

i could be something so much bigger

if i wasnt someone so small

Well I'd be damned if traditional structure doesn't look fucking good on me.

Night all.