Undercover lover's got it right between the eyes.

Los Campesinos never answer my questions on their Formspring; and I know it's probably something that shouldn't bother me particularly, but it really does. They answered her question, but not mine? Maybe I'm not desperate enough in my approach, not that she was, just far more eloquent than I can be sometimes. I can think it in my head - but when it comes to spitting it out and making someone listen, I always manage to mess up either the delivery, the words themselves, or just I can't even fucking speak. I hate my lisp. But I wouldn't get rid of it for anything - only way I can interesting when I'm saying nothing about nothing.

Two people like each other. Some other people are being overly pushy about it. One person is trying to be cool about it and leave them to either fuck it up themselves or make it work, hopefully, better than their prior attempts. I'm always on my own aren't I? Oh well, I can think clearer when I only have my voice in my head, and not some grating collective noise bubble. Fit to burst. Enough of this however, onto the unfortunate subject of my conflicting nature. Honest to -insert deity or fake religious icon here- it's going to be the fucking death of me soon.

I enjoy spending time alone together; but I incredibly dislike being with a select couple of people for fucking ever. Hence why I despise holidays that last for longer than a week, what is the point in breaking off from a whole bunch of people to limit yourself to a select few - usually that you aren't really in love with so much as the groups you're leaving behind. But yeah, I want to both be alone together and be apart but still together, I want to be able to say I have a life that isn't tied down to her. That being said, I want one that can rely on her being there a bit. I need to rely on people. Especially those who understand at least most of my behaviour.

I fucking love time spent with her though; usually it's completely wasted, and I don't even fucking realise. Perfect time that. Saatchi was good fun - seeing the amazement she had looking at stuff I'm so accustomed to made me realise how it didn't actually get any less amazing; I'm just so much more relaxed now. I don't like that. I want to be an uptight, itchy, twitchy person again - one who notices all those little imperfections I see in people, in art too. I adore simplicity that is complex. I want to show that somehow, I want something visceral and perfectly, and completely, shit. And I want that to make it brilliant. Please.

I've got all this wonder in my face, but none in the back of my throat.