But I can't.
I'm stuck with my mother all fucking weekend. I don't want her. It isn't her day. She can fuck off please, but regardless of what I want, she's still going to be here, still going to nag and moan and berate me. And a weekend lasts longer than the build-up to it when it is a complete and utter let down on every level. It's not a break; just extended torture. Oh of course she throws in the occasional phrase of affection here and there - meeting only a 'Yeah Mum' on my part as per fucking usual. You'd think she'd give that up by now. Sigh. I don't need anyone talking to me at the moment - not when I get home, I just want to be left to do my work and to stop being irritated.
Work work work. I don't want to. I want to write and I'm having to physically stop myself from doing it - we're going to do music now. No more writing. Music. Music that makes people feel how I feel right now. Music that's silly, engulfing and utterly utterly pointlessly brilliant. But oh oh oh that's not likely to happen. But I hope it does, I'd like to be able to shout something that hasn't been thought up in someone else's head for once.
I'm stuck with my mother all fucking weekend. I don't want her. It isn't her day. She can fuck off please, but regardless of what I want, she's still going to be here, still going to nag and moan and berate me. And a weekend lasts longer than the build-up to it when it is a complete and utter let down on every level. It's not a break; just extended torture. Oh of course she throws in the occasional phrase of affection here and there - meeting only a 'Yeah Mum' on my part as per fucking usual. You'd think she'd give that up by now. Sigh. I don't need anyone talking to me at the moment - not when I get home, I just want to be left to do my work and to stop being irritated.
Work work work. I don't want to. I want to write and I'm having to physically stop myself from doing it - we're going to do music now. No more writing. Music. Music that makes people feel how I feel right now. Music that's silly, engulfing and utterly utterly pointlessly brilliant. But oh oh oh that's not likely to happen. But I hope it does, I'd like to be able to shout something that hasn't been thought up in someone else's head for once.
I like how genuinely excited she gets when I tell her I'm writing a post or a thing. I wish everyone else reacted to what I did like that; I'm not happy with myself in anyway but for people to be happy with me would be a start wouldn't it? Maybe. Hopefully.
It's hard enough being born in the first place; who would ever want to be born again.
This haircut makes me so much more self concious - but makes me feel better; like I can do stuff I wasn't happy with before, like looking at myself outside of my own bathroom mirror. Oh and you are all assholes. All of you. Don't leave her out. Don't make me the fucking consolation prize - I don't deserve that. Neither does she. I'm useless so be some fucking help please.
Yeah that's the video.
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